Wednesday, March 28, 2007

"No, no ... don't sing! Then we have to pay for it!": American Idol

by Libby

I'm the only person in the history of the world who didn't like the movie Groundhog Day. But, honestly, I've always been okay with that. The repetition was grating (though I imagine that was the point), and I never could bring myself to watch it again. That being said, I've been thinking about that movie an awful lot lately, particularly when it comes to Tuesday night and American Idol.

I mean, really, AI is just the same, rehashed crapola week after week. The same people are good, the same are mediocre, the same horrendous. *sighs* So honestly, what's the point? What new idiosyncracies can I possibly find to snark about this week? Well ... let's find out:

1. Lakisha Jones - "Last Dance": How much better did LaKisha look tonight than she has every other night out? Finally, the girl showed up and did something different. I, for one, really enjoyed the attempt at an upbeat jam, along with a pair of ass-kicking boots she should have broken out long ago. This was a fine showing for a non-fave of mine and caused me to be hopeful for the rest of the evening.

Which, I soon found, was a little hasty.

2. Chris Sligh - "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic": There are a lot of things that Chris Sligh is. For instance, he's different. He, um, has curly hair. And I'm sure there are other attributes to his character that I really could care less about, but ultimately, what we learned tonight, is that Sligh is no Sting. Not even a little bit. Week after week, watching Sligh perform becomes more and more arduous, as he becomes ever more hesitant and awkward, stilted and uninspired. Plus, he's in a perpetual game of Marco Polo with the beat. Not cool. Not in a singing competition. Nothing doing.

3. Gina Glocksen - "I'll Stand By You": Gina Glocksen is not long for the AI world. See, I completely agreed with the judges when they told Glocksen that it was her finest performance to date. The problem is that her best is just not good enough. Even with a perfect song choice, with a perfect showing, Gina Glocksen does not have the chops to take on the big boys this season, personality-wise OR talent-wise. So congrats for a great night, Gina, but don't get too comfortable.

4. Sanjaya Malakar - "Bathwater": Ehh ... just, no. Okay, America, no. Listen ... watch it, and then maybe you can tell ME what to make of this. But ... no.

5. Haley Scarnato - "True Colors": See, now, I could have done without yet another scantily-clad Scarnato performance. But no, America, you insist on Haley the hussy sticking around for yet another week. I miss the good ol' days, where people like Haley would get stoned upon leaving the house, but nowadays, it's perfectly acceptable for her to flounce around in front of millions of viewers in various stages of undress and subject the innocent (i.e. ME) to their whisper-singing week after week. What have I done to deserve this, America? TELL ME THAT! (Actually, I kind of like her. . .er. . .singing ability. Yeah. -- ed.)

6. Phil Stacey - "Every Breath You Take": Great, yeah, THAT'S what I needed ... the vision of THIS GUY stalking me ... *sighs* Him AND his over-sized boxing gloves. Besides the skeezy factor, Stacey did quite well this evening, and I was glad to finally hear one of the judges (albeit, the crazy one) mention his weird verse vs. chorus song stylings. That being said, it's entirely possible that good ol' Phil sounded so good because he wasn't as absolutely pathetic as Chris Sligh. It's a thought.

7. Melinda Doolittle - "Heaven Knows": Yeah ... I'm running out of things to say about Melinda. I mean, I still love her to pieces and she had a fine performance tonight, but, hmm, where do we go from here? And I guess that's where my fears lie ... where does one go from here? There's no real way that Doolittle's journey can be this easy, and one cannot help but be afear'd wondering when exactly America will turn on her. After all, it's only a matter of time.

8. Blake Lewis - "Love Song": For the second week in a row, I find myself in the odd position of not liking Blake Lewis as much as the judges did. This weirds me out, as Lewis is one of my favorite performers and one that I look forward to every single week. What threw me off tonight was the fact that for the first time, Lewis' song stylings struck me as very "American Idol Does ..." if that makes any sense. Granted, it was, "American Idol Does ... The Cure" but it was still very pop-y and kinda false for me. That said, Lewis is at least attempting to make AI kind of cool, and I continue to respect his choices. Though, how weird is it that he's the male frontrunner? (I actually think it was that God-awful 311 cover. -- ed.)

9. Jordin Sparks - "Hey Baby": Gah ... this was not very good. I love Sparks to pieces and find her to be just the cutest thing, but Lord ... this just didn't work tonight. However, even though it wasn't her finest showing, Sparks was still energetic and young, cute and appealing, hell, even memorable which is still half the battle with 10 people left. I just don't want her to get eliminated. Let's hope next week is a little smoother for her.

10. Chris Richardson - "Don't Speak": Okay, I'm sorry. I just don't get the Chris Richardson love. He's just so very ... meh to me. I've gotten over the cute thing, and beyond that find him bland and not very special. His runs are irritating and the super sappy thing makes him seem like a tool. So ... yeah.

Being that I'm rewriting this on Wednesday night (fie to you, Blogger!) we'll skip my usual predictions and talk a bit about the Idol that wasn't.

Chris Sligh was eliminated Wednesday night, and I can't say that I was surprised and/or disappointed. Sligh, after a promising start, had been falling apart for the last few weeks and essentially just looked like he was hanging on for dear life. He never found his comfort zone (or the rhythm) again and America sent him home for it. Farewell, Mr. Sligh ... your hair (and not much else, really) will be missed.


tomo said...

AI is crapola!?


Oh, Libby..! I could have told you so ages ago!

Todd VanDerWerff said...

Oh, she's always hated the show. She's just got an evil boss.


Libby said...

I guess I'm a bit of a masochist, deep down ...
Stupid Idol.
Stupid husband.
Stupid blog.