Tuesday, March 06, 2007

"Ryan, you're a silly!": American Idol

by Libby

Aren't you people tired of this yet? I DON'T LIKE THIS SHOW ... I find it hard to imagine that there are literally millions of people in America rabid for this crap. It's disturbing.

Tonight's "theme" instructed the contestants to share something with America that America doesn't already know. Joy.

As I've stated week after week, I love Blake Lewis. He makes me forget I'm watching American Idol, and honestly, at this point, I don't know that a better compliment exists. Tonight, Lewis came out with a 311 song, showing, again, that it's occasionally nice for the #1 show in America to have something vaguely contemporary. At the very least, it was different from everything else being sung. The judges were approving, and Lewis will undoubtedly make the top 12.

Seriously? We're still doing this, people? Sanjaya Malakar is not a good singer. It doesn't matter if he's a slightly better singer when performing John Mayer (also not a great singer) -- he is still not good. It's embarrassing for all involved that this kid is still on the show. Tonight, it was actually so bad that the judges were wondering why they EVER liked him. Sad, America. Sad.

Sundance Head is, somewhat inexplicably, still in competition, and, again inexplicably, singing Pearl Jam ... poorly. Somewhere, Eddie Vedder is rolling in his grave. Is there any way for "Jeremy" not to sound horribly dated? I didn't think so, but the judges are meh, and if America says it's so, it's so.

Chris Richardson looks a lot like Bradley Cooper. A LOT. I find Bradley Cooper attractive, ergo, let's keep Richardson around a little longer, eh? Beyond that, Richardson had a nice little performance of a Keith Urban song that I've never heard of. Seeing as I've never heard a Keith Urban song before, this did not surprise me. Surprising, though, was the fact that Richardson can definitely pull off that sort of faux-country-pop thing, which makes him (slightly) more than just a pretty face.

A few weeks ago, as the all-male Idol episode came to a close, I got a phone call from my brother. He'd missed the episode but wanted to know how the couple of ridiculously talented African-American gentlemen had done. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I had no idea what he was talking about. Perhaps he was watching a different show, as Jared Cotter is clearly not ridiculously talented. Cotter is merely vaguely talented with some very serious issues that evidently cause him to turn every song into a plodding, overly emphasized crap fest. Ugh. People suck, and should also not be allowed to pick Stevie Wonder songs anymore. Ever.

Just so you know ... writing this review is nearly as torturous as watching the episode.

Brandon Rogers was back tonight with a considerably less crappy performance than last week, but then, seeing as how he sang a Cyndi Lauper song last time, that's not really a surprise, is it? I didn't think so. Rogers has a ton of energy, a great smile, and yet nothing to make you remember him from week to week. At least not in a good way. Generally, I feel most of his songs are done a bit too sugary sweet, and some edge would be a welcome change for him.

Phil Stacey has been reminding me of someone episode after episode and I think I finally figured out who ... Now perhaps this isn't a particularly kind comparison, but the truth hurts. That said, I think I would much rather endure endless probing by otherworldly visitors than have to listen to Stacey's rendition of LeAnn Rime's "I Need You." And I really LIKE Phil Stacey. I want him to continue on! But tonight was just ... weird. He should stick with the belting and not so much with the breathy. *shudders*

I just want to punch Chris Sligh in the face. He should be doing better than he is. He doesn't have the greatest voice, but he is definitely different from the rest of the competitors. If he's going to pick songs that no one's ever heard of/going to remember, then he could at least pick awesome ones like "Rockin' the Suburbs" or ... something ... equally awesome. Whatever. He was fine tonight, but that seems to be the best we can expect out of this crop of men, so, I guess that's that.

Tonight's winner was Travis Tritt. Because I didn't know he was still alive. So, congratulations Mr. Tritt ... you're ... not ... dead. (I've seen Travis Tritt in concert with a bunch of bikers! -- ed.)

Atrocious: Sanjaya and Jared
Aloha: Jared and Phil

I hate you, America.


Andy Scott said...

Bradley Cooper is very hot. Mm.


Libby said...

Indeed ...