Wednesday, April 11, 2007

"That wasn't horrible." - American Idol

I disagree.

It was Latin week on American Idol, which meant that finally America could be reintroduced to the complete works of Gloria Esteban and songs from this album. Wonderful. As though America didn't already think that those two things comprised the whole of the Latin music scene.

As usual, however, picking outside those two categories left competitors in trouble, so I probably shouldn't complain.

1. Melinda Doolittle - "Sway": Meh. I didn't think this was horrible, but it definitely wasn't anything special. Unfortunately, it's not really in one's best interest for their performances to become LESS compelling as the season goes on, but that seems to be the case for several contestants right now. Doolittle isn't in trouble yet, but needs to find her groove again quickly.

2. LaKisha Jones - "Conga": Speaking of trouble, LaKisha definitely has one foot in the proverbial grave at this point. Though she looked smokin' tonight, her song was, well, a chant, and it was impossible to ignore how awkward she looked when she attempted to feel the beat. Evidently, as many an Idol demonstrated tonight the rhythm is NOT necessarily going to get you. Huh. Who knew?

3. Chris Richardson - "Smooth": Okay, ew. No. This sucked. Hard. Super hard. No, no, no. I just don't understand all the love for Richardson. Honestly, when you turn in a performance that makes people long for the ROB THOMAS VERSION, there is something very wrong. Also, the first three songs of the night really illustrated the importance of great instrumentation in this style of music. That AI band is phenomenal considering what they're asked to do from week to week. Kudos.

4. Haley Scarnato - "Turn the Beat Around": So ... tonight she wore hot pants. HOT PANTS, America! And because Simon commented on it, she'll stay for another week. Dammit, people, when are you going to stop punishing me? It's not like she'll be able to remove any more clothing. If she loses a single square inch of fabric, Fox will be hit with FCC fines the likes of which we've never seen! Additionally, not only is she unable to sing, but she is also unable to strut and sing at the same time! Useless.

5. Phil Stacey - "Maria, Maria": Phil Stacey can hit high notes and has the best voice of the remaining men, blah, blah, blah, but truly, isn't what makes him great his collection of fancy hats? Indeed, I agree, so I took the time to complile all the photos I could find of his menagerie: here he is in a farmer's hat; a captain's hat; a cowboy's hat; a straw skimmer hat; and my personal favorite, a sailor hat, which he wears as he serenades you. He is the Yellow Kid incarnate. And he is coming for you.

6. Jordin Sparks - "Rhythm is Gonna Get You": I love this kid. I really do. But this song pretty much summed up the entire lackluster night: It was fine, but it wasn't great. No one contestant was able to take a song and make it their own. They were frightened and just looking to make it through, so here's hoping that Jordin does.

7. Blake Lewis - "I Need to Know": I used to really love Blake, but right now I just don't understand what the judges are seeing. He can't sing very well, whatsoever, so much so that after Sanjaya, he's the weakest voiced male left. And he's one of the FRONTRUNNERS, people! That's what kind of year this is!

8. Sanjaya Malakar - "Besame Mucho": Evidently, the only way Sanjaya can be a passable performer is when he's singing in a language a good portion of us don't understand. (¡Hable para se! -- ed.) Of course, when he comes back to English it's just as much of a catastrophe as ever, but, oh well. Also, tonight's look disturbed me more than all others because the facial hair and primped curls just made him look like that skeevy guy at the gas station who preys on young girls. But to that extent, isn't that what he' s doing on a national level? Hmm. Really makes you think.

So after tonight's suckfest, I have determined that there should be a round where all the contestants sing the same song. For this song, I have chosen "Yakety Sax". Todd feels that the song should be "Little Spanish Flea". He may have the edge this time as his song contains lyrics, but I will not be swayed.

That said ...

Tonight's winner: Jordin Sparks
Tonight's loser: Haley Scarnato
Tomorrow's loser: Haley Scarnato*

*I CAN'T BE WRONG FOREVER, AMERICA!!!

1 comment:

Libby said...

FINALLY.