Friday, May 18, 2007

The CW and Fox cannot meet our high standards for cast photo quality

We mean that.

THE CW

Aliens in America:



Todd: It's a good thing TV's here to teach us to be tolerant! I so often forget.

Libby: That kid better find himself a Green Bay Packers jersey right quick.

Watch the video here.

Todd: When I was a picked-on, misunderstood high school student, I wish MY family had taken in a Muslim exchange student to bear the brunt of the other students' wrath! Maybe I wouldn't be so bitter now!

David: Most boring edgy comedy ever?

Gossip Girl:



Todd: This makes me feel a little. . .well, a little uncomfortable. At least it's set in New York so we know the bikinis won't be coming out!

Libby: Ugh! I hate teenagers! All of them!

The video is here.

Todd: It was fun while it lasted, Veronica Mars. Now, you can just narrate the cattiest nature documentary ever. *sigh*

David: Kristen Bell sounds like she's commenting on a bad porn movie.

Life Is Wild:



Todd: I have only one thing to say. "The cheetah is catching the bunny!"

Libby: For a show set in South Africa, these people sure are white. . .

Watch the video here.

Todd: I'm glad they made a television version of The Constant Gardener!

David: It's Born Free meets The Shield! Except not nearly as good as that sounds.

Reaper:



Todd: I love Tyler Labine. AND Ray Wise. But Nikki Reed, co-screenwriter of Thirteen? I may not be tuning in for this. . .

Libby: Finally, proof that the retail world is Satan's domain.

The video is here.

Todd: Once you knew him as the Prince of Darkness and the Father of Lies, but this fall on The CW, Satan himself is the Prince of Action and the Father of Laughs! It's. . .REAPER!

David: I barely understand what this show is, but ... Ray Wise as Satan? It'd be even better if they made it a musical!

FOX

Back to You:



Todd: Speaking of Satan's domain. . .

Libby: HOW IS PATRICIA HEATON'S SCRAWNY BODY SUPPORTING HER ENORMOUS HEAD?!

The video's here.

Todd: You know what they won't be expecting in a sitcom? The ol' walk-n-talk.

David: WHERE IS FRED WILLARD?! They should go for less Studio 60 and more Ron Burgundy.

Canterbury's Law:




Todd: Thank God we have these people standing around their offices, looking very important. I don't know how we'd ever get anything done otherwise.

Libby: Julianna Margulies is evidently Turning Japanese. So, there's that.

(You really think so?)

There's a video here.

Todd: Boy, it's a GOOD THING Elizabeth Canterbury doesn't PLAY BY THE RULES. Not only does it make for great results, but it makes for ORIGINAL and COMPELLING DRAMA.

David:
They should just give her a penis and be done with it.

Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares:




Todd: Oh man. This giant head is going to solve all of America's culinary problems!

Libby: I AM a fan of yelling. . .

(No video on this one! Sorry.)


K-Ville:



Todd: The K is for forced Kwality.

Libby: The K is for Krappy.

I want a Mexican video.

Todd:
It's as though they crossed The Shield with The Wire, then mixed it all together with that show on CBS from a few years ago about the kid who plays baseball or whatever.

David: I thought it was really INVENTIVE to have the partners be at odds with each other. the gritty style and deep characterization makes me think this will REINVENT the cop show!

New Amsterdam:




Todd:
I guess CSI would be a bigger hit if they cross-bred it with The Picture of Dorian Grey.

Libby: Wow. Immortal detective. Didn't see that one coming.

Immortals fighting crime right here.

Todd: After watching this trailer, I already know what the series finale will be. Ergo, I don't need to watch this show. I mean, is there any way the true love isn't the partner?

David: I didn't know being immortal made you make odd pauses in your awkward dialogue!

The Return of Jezebel James:



Todd: They're the same, but REALLY, THEY'RE DIFFERENT. Did you get that? If not, we'll have a lot of cross-cutting and some musical montages to drive the point home.

Libby: There's a place where these two would be sisters. And that place is called nowhere.

The hilarity is here.

Todd: It's like Amy Sherman-Palladino's brain exploded all over a series of cameras.

David: I can't believe we have to wait until April to see if this is a huge disappointment.

The Rules for Starting Over:




Todd: Man, when I look at the faces of these genial, smiling white people, I know I'm going to get some good times!

Libby:
Last night I couldn't sleep at all. I could think about was what was going to happen on The Office next year. I mean, how will the resolv ... oh, wait. Nevermind.

Laughter starts now.


Todd: The leprechaun should be a main character.

David: The monkey should be a main character.

The Sarah Connor Chronicles:



Todd: I hope every episode of this show has a disembodied male voice yelling, "Watch out for killer robots!" on the soundtrack.

Libby: So. Yeah. I've never seen these movies. So. . .I'm out.

Execute video.

Todd: Y'know. . .the time for metal men is now. What's with all this touchy-feely crap?

David:
WHERE ARE THE GIANT GUN-TOTING ROBOTS? LAME!

And CBS has finally uploaded a Viva Laughlin video, which you can watch here.

Todd: The Mick Jagger/Hugh Jackman duet isn't really the best. He should actually be singing or he should be lip synching. There's no in between!

David: I'd watch anything with Jackman in it. Too bad he's not really in this? I hate LIES.

Thanks for hanging out with us this upfront season! Hope you keep coming back to read our reviews of the new shows and of the returning shows we know and love.

3 comments:

Kenny said...

Rashida Jones? Not completely white. Todd, you gotta stop jumping the gun on calling out all the white people. Between this and Lucy Liu, it's getting embarrassing.

Todd VanDerWerff said...

Because I edit in HTML, I didn't just forget Jones' multiracial status. I completely forgot SHE WAS IN THE SHOW, which, I guess, just goes to show how much of an impression she made on me, especially when compared to the monkey and/or the leprechaun.

That said, my apologies.

Carrie said...

I saw Aliens in America this weekend and thought it was...not terrible. Not something I will watch on a regular basis, but it made me chuckle a few times.

I'm a sucker for anything supernatural/sci fi themed, so I will be tuning in to New Amsterdam. Which means it will be canceled after 3 episodes, which is probably for the best anyway.