Friday, July 06, 2007

"Somehow, I immaculately conceived gonorrhea.": Big Brother 8

For most, summer means sunshine, lazy days at the beach, vacations and the delicious smell of meat on the barbecue. For me however, summer honestly only means one thing: the return of trashy, delicious, addictive Big Brother. I've been on the BB bandwagon since season two when I fell in love with one of the great reality television characters of all time, the deliciously evil Will Kirby. Ever since then, I've dedicated three hours a week to this show and countless more to talking about it with friends and family. What better way to feed my addiction than to talk about it with you all here at SDD every week? So when Todd offered me the chance to cover this season, I didn't hesitate. After seeing last night's juicy premiere, I'm not regretting that decision one bit.

Let's face it, nothing actually happens on this show. People sit around, talk about nonsense and occasionally hook up. If you've seen the live feeds, you know what I mean. Therefore, the producers feel the need to liven up proceedings by throwing in "twists." This year, there are two main twists. In the first shocking! twist!, six of the players are not strangers. In fact, they are in the house with people they know and loathe. For example, there are a pair of former best friends turned worst enemies (possibly due to a misplaced $5), two ex-boyfriends who had a more than nasty breakup (possibly due to a sketchily acquired STD), and a father and daughter who haven't spoken in over two years (possibly because the father is a totally immature jerkwad). Now, call me crazy but I think this twist has possibilities. The father/daughter situation is terrible, but BB has a history of messing with people's familial relationships without shame (Cowboy and Nokomis, anyone?) and if they are going to be shameless, at least we can get some good soapy drama out of it. I feel absolutely horrendous for the poor daughter, who seems sweet if dim and totally dismayed to see her father there. They obviously have many more issues than can be solved by living together in the BB house. As for the two other pairs, the exes seem to be hilariously catty towards each other, and the girls seem to honestly not care all that much that they are in the house together. Maybe they'll secretly band together to form an alliance while putting on a show about hating each other to the rest of the house. That is a soapy twist I could get behind.

The second shocking! twist! is something called America's Player. You see, BB wants to make some money off text messaging so they've decided to let the audience have some say in the game by controlling the actions of a houseguest via text message (or, but really you guys, they want you to text message). If the houseguest completes the task successfully, they get money. Each week the audience will get to vote on the task, and America's Player must attempt to complete it. It could be anything from voting a certain houseguest out, to making out with a houseguest, to throwing a competition. This is a pretty cool twist, and I'm interested to see if America's Player can actually pull it off without tipping off the other houseguests that something is up. I guess if previous houseguests didn't realize that a set of twins was switching off time in the house and pretending to be one person, this year's group probably won't figure out this twist, either. BB isn't known for recruiting the smartest contestants in the reality genre, is what I'm saying.

Despite having to sit through all of this boring exposition and a ridiculously loony Head of Household competition which involved trivia, spinning mushrooms and flying streams of sludge, the premiere was pretty entertaining. The houseguests are a good mix of the sublimely ridiculous, idiotic, and asshole characters we have come to expect from this fine show. Yes, the diversity is nonexistent and everyone looks like a reject from a casting call for The CW, but so far they've got me laughing, which is all I really ask for. The dumber and more ridiculous they are, the more I laugh. Somehow, I think I'm going to be laughing a lot this year.

I'm nothing if not judgmental, so it's snap judgment time. I reserve the right to change my opinion of the houseguests once I actually, you know, hear them talk more.

Amber: The ubiquitous "I'm doing it for my kid" contestant. Ugh. She thinks she has chemistry with house hottie Nick, which could be interesting when he completely rejects her ass, however.

Carol: Actually might have a brain in her head. I immediately like her because she doesn't like Jen due to her "giant boobs." However, she might be too meek for this crowd.

Danielle: Endearingly dumb so far. I automatically have sympathy for her because of her disgusting father.

Dick: Calls himself "Evil Dick." Anyone who gives themselves a nickname like that is automatically a gigantic tool. His Tommy Lee wannabe looks and abhorrent treatment of his daughter don't help any. HATE.

Dustin: Cute. Down to earth. Horrible taste in men. I love him, so therefore he will probably be voted out immediately.

Eric: America's Player. A total Napoleon complex trapped in a house full of buff, gigantic guys. I cannot wait to see how that plays out. I think he was a great choice for America's Player because as a nonthreatening male, he has the potential to go far in this house of alpha men.

Jameka: The one player of color in the game, which she notes with disdain. To which I say, "Girl, have you seen this show before?" (CBS really should be ashamed of themselves for this.) Good personality so far.

Jen: Dumb as a box of rocks. The "use my body to get what I want" type of girl. I hate her.

Jessica: Also not smart. Lists her hobbies as "dancing, cheering, shopping, tanning, working out, going out partying." Yeah.

Joe: A walking stereotype, but full of hilarious lines therefore I want to keep him around for as long as possible. Dustin can do better, though. Don't forget the giant nipples!

Kail: This week's Head of Household (HOH). Token: "old woman," wife, small town girl, bigot, rich person hiding her wealth. If she puts up Jameka and Joe, I'll die laughing. In horror, of course.

Mike: I don't remember him at all. He blends into the wallpaper of tall, buff guys this year.

Nick: Oh, I remember Nick. Nick is hot and from Minnesota, complete with sexy Minnesota accent. (At least it's sexy to me, a native Minnesotan.) Also, he's a "former pro football player," which means he played in the CFL or something. Heh.

Zach: Another hot boy wallpaper dude. Utterly forgettable.

I'll only be doing these recaps once a week, after the Thursday elimination episode. Until then...

[Disclaimer: I worked for the company that produces Big Brother for six years. I didn't work directly on the show, and I no longer work there, but I just wanted to get that out in the open. This does give me some inside insight, though, and the opportunity to still go to the very fun wrap party each year. If I manage to make it this year I'll do a special writeup on it complete with pictures. Bonus for everyone!]


Justin said...

I am, sadly, also addicted to Big Brother (Sigh).

I don't know though, I am already turned off by the cast.

First of all, I don't seem to have anyone to root for yet. It's so much easier when Dr. Will is playing.

In the absence of anyone cool, I usually root for the prettiest girl, until I eventually hate her -or- find someone that actually emerges as being a good player. I tend to like the liars and evil types on reality shows, don't know why.

I guess I will go for Carol, for now, because Jen is an amazing bitch and Danielle is just.. too... stupid? Plus she has the most irritating voice ever?

And what is with Mike and Zach? Could they possibly be anymore stereotypical frat boy idiots? HATE HATE HATE.

PS: I will be happy to fill in for you if you ever need to miss a show. :)

Carrie said...

Jen: "I'm a nanny, and a dog walker, and a model, and an actress, you know, because everyone in L.A. is a model and actress." BARF.

I've got no one to root for either. I need to see who is actually there to play the game, because I root for gamers. I hate people who take things personally and try to vote out their enemies when it isn't strategically smart.

(I might just take you up on the offer to cover in a few weeks, as I am going out of town. I'll be in touch.)

Nea said...

I am glad you are getting to cover BB8! I already told you my feelings on some of the housemates, but I have to agree that I do not have an immediate favorite. Some of them do seem to almost be the same person. I cannot stand the token "old women". I do some what like the Dustin guy, and will be interested to hear more about his past relationship with his CRAZY ex-boyfriend- Mr. Giant Nipples :)

Justin said...

Upon seeing some of the live feeds, I think Danielle is a lot smarter than she seemed originally, so I think I'm going to root for her.

Nick is alright too, although a little dumb, I think. The accent is funny, because I am from Wisconsin originally.

Besides them, I like Jameka, Dick (don't hate on me, he might be an idiot but he is good for non-boring feed purposes), and Dustin.

I hate Jen even more and now I also hate Amber, Joe, Kail, the frat boys (who I still can't tell apart), and Eric, who you'll be finding out soon is a crazed spastic psychopath.

Ahhh big brother!

page said...

BB!!! I LOVE this idiotic show sooo much but I have to admit I'm having major Chilltown withdrawal. Will and Boogie should be on every season. They should have paid those guys last year, they were so freaking entertaining. Dustin I like. He and clap-boy are very funny. Clap-boy is irritating as hell but could be good to hate. Who's the blonde enemy junior high chick? I can't remember the names yet. Jen maybe? Dumb. Grating. Irritating beyond belief. But could also be fun to hate. Remember the blonde who was best friends then enemies with Marsalis? She was fun to ridicule. The HOH woman is boring as is Amber. I like the school counselor African American girl so far but she might be boring too. The little girl with the evil dad is just pathetic. Evil dad is gross. Good call on the Tommy Lee wannabe moniker. That fits. The dudes are totally unremarkable so far. Oh, who was the chick who cried over her bad pic? I know you haven't reviewed that ep yet but can we kill her immediately please?! As I was watching last night I was trying to figure out why I love this show so much. I think maybe the fact that nothing happens is part of the key. We get to sit and listen to people think out loud and talk smack and that's what makes it interesting. None of the distraction of "surviving." You know? Who cares? Cat fights, back stabbing, hysteria, superficiality, that's what it's all about baby! BB8, ain't it great!! Having you cover the show is increasing my enjoyment 5-fold, no exaggeration.