Thursday, July 19, 2007

"You have definitely taken the 'uni' out of 'unitard'":Big Brother

(I am covering for Carrie this week, as she is unavailable to recap. -J)

First of all, let us observe a moment of silence for Big Brother's lack of a nomination in the 'Outstanding Reality-competition Program' category at the Emmys. ..... Teehee.

It is now the end of the second week of Big Brother, and things are getting a little more interesting because obvious alliances are formed or break, people are starting to get really sick of each other, and tensions are beginning to flare up a bit. I think this is the time when people are still willing to kick someone out because of personal feelings, since they aren't close enough to the money yet and the thought of spending 10 more weeks with certain people must be absolutely horrifying. Personally, if I were stuck in the Big Brother house with Joe or Jen I might have to claim to have an anxiety disorder, just so I can get their doctor to give me large amounts of sedatives so that I don't go completely insane. Of course, it doesn't get that interesting, because this is, after all, Big Brother.

Previously, KKKail was HOH, made some boring and safe nominations, and Carol was booted. Poor Carol, we hardly knew you. Of course even if you stayed and won the game we would probably have still only heard you speak about five sentences the entire game. After Carol is eliminated, Jen wins a very controversial HOH on a tiebreaker question invovling guessing how many gallons are in the teacup in the backyard. We covered this previously, however the houseguests were not very pleased at the result, Joe in particular ranted the most, calling Jen an idiot. Because you know, Joe is such an obviously intelligent person. I also want to mention that I actually thought of the possibility of this being a trick question, but my real question is this: in a game designed so that whoever guesses the closest without going over wins, why on earth does nobody ever think to answer "one." Haven't these people ever seen The Price is Right?

Since Jen is HOH this week, the Jen show continues, and for this I am glad, because even though she is really annoying, the way it pisses off the other houseguests and the sheer audacity of the girl is very amusing to me. I seriously wonder if she is playing an act, because how could anyone really be like that? Anyway, in what will probably be one of the better scenes of the week, there is a hilarious montage of different houseguests commenting on how self-centered Jen is, and how she always turns every conversation into being about her. The Big Brother editors even go to the extent of including a portion with a little 'ding' each time she says 'I'. Personally, I think they should have had a 'ding' every time she says 'like', but that's just me. It's still funny. We also see her HOH room, where she complains about her pictures, especially the only picture they give her of her mother, which to the horror of everyone present she takes down because she doesn't like how she looks in it. I wonder what this girl is going to do twenty or so years down the road when she doesn't look as good. One of her friends, if she has any good friends, should keep her on suicide watch, I'm guessing.

This is Big Brother, so we can't forget that there are some really low budget competitions to get to. So, on Sunday, we have the food competition: "Name that Pie.", where the contestants are forced to guess the ingredients contained in a pie. Whenever they do this game on Hell's Kitchen I always think about how awful I would be at it. The contestants do surpsingly well though, and the team of the girls + Joe (I'm not going to comment on that one, too easy) loses to the team of the rest of the boys, putting them on slop for the week. Now, this is one thing I don't like about Big Brother the past two seaosns. At least when they were on PB&J the contestants weren't turned into lifeless zombies when they lost the food competition. It doesn't make for good TV at all. Plus three people are on slop for multiple weeks in a row (Danielle, Jameka, and Jessica), and I don't like this not only because the former two are a couple of my favorite contestants, but because I am pretty sure that if they keep doing this slop thing to Danielle she is going to die of malnutrition. The girl is way, way, way too skinny as it is people.

At the end of the show it is time for nominations, and Jen nominates exactly who I would expect her to: Danielle and Dick. Uh oh, father vs. daughter! Of course it kind of pans out exactly as anyone might have predicted, where Dick isn't going to campaign against his daughter but Danielle will do whatever she needs to stay. Jen's intended target is Danielle, probably because she is jealous that Nick likes her more. She fails to realize that he probably wouldn't start liking her if Danielle were to be eliminated, though. Right before the nominations, not that it probably affected anything, Dick totally goes off on Jen for sitting in the bedroom and talking about herself while he was trying to sleep. He basically threatens to make her life miserable and as soon as he leaves, Jen just smiles and waves at the camera. See, it is moments like this that confuse me to see if she really is as oblivious as she seems or if she is playing an act on purpose. She also has the brilliant idea of revealing the keys in the exact order of how friendly she is with people in the house, with the exception of taking Jameka and announcing her safety first.

On Tuesday, when we see the reactions to the nominations, everyone is mad at Jen as usual. And Amber cries. People, Amber cries a lot. She cried, if I count correctly, in three different diary room entries and two different times to other houseguests in one episode. Someone gets nominated? She cries. Someone threatens her? She cries. Someone eats her cookie? She cries. One of these times was after the competitors were chosen for the Power of Veto competition (chosen: Jen, Danielle, Dick, Mike, Joe, Amber) when Jen threatens Amber about putting up her friend Dustin if she helps Danielle/Dick win and threatens Joe to put up... who? ... if he helps them win. Like, Jen, you know like, when you like, talked about like, positivity like, in your nomination speech, you maybe should have like, taken your own advice later, and not like, aliented like, every other player by being blatantly threatening, and like, killing any chance you would like, have to like, win a jury vote, even though like, your chances already, like, aren't very good. So yeah, Jen threatened Amber, she cried, then later went to maybe apologize, Dick went off on Jen again because of this (Hee, I like when this happens), and Jen thanks him for going off on her, which only has to irritate him even more. I can't imagine both of them staying in the house for very long without some violence happening.

The POV competition is Big Brother! Cutthroat! Christmas! in which the contestants will play a curling game in order to win prizes. The farthest person is eliminated each round and chooses a present. The people in following rounds have the option of stealing their presents. Except, probably due to their extremely high production budget, Big Brother only provides them with one curling thingy, so the possibility of them knocking each other out is taken away, thus eliminating the only thing that is really interesting about curling. Also, Canadians aren't allowed on Big Brother, so nobody really understands the game. Joe is out first, and wins a slop pass. Second is Jen, who is forced to wear a 'unitard' (a skin tight full body outfit) for the remainder of the week. Jen is, of course, absolutely elated at this. So are America's teenage male Big Brother viewers. Mike is out next and wins a 'Big Brother Date' with the houseguest of his choice. Then Dick, who wins a plasma TV. Finally, when Amber and Danielle are left, Amber gives a really bad throw, throwing the competition to Danielle. She 'wins' a day being chained to the houseguest of her choice, and she chooses KKKail. She could have stolen the TV from Dick, mind you, but I guess the idea of being chained to KKKail for a week is more appealing to her. After the competition, Danielle takes herself off the block, and beforehand pretty much everyone pushes Jen to nominate Joe. She briefly considers putting up Nick after seeing him together with Danielle again, but I guess reason prevails and Joe ends up going up.

On the live show, there is the usual reaction to the new nominations, and the usual questioning of the houseguests. Danielle had on way too much makeup. They then go to the 'plotting which happened since the new nominations' section in which Joe campaigns very hard to stay, and KKKail tries really hard to help convince people for him to stay, because, well, she knows that Dick is going to get her voted out eventually. Dick notices this, and because of a previous deal he made with KKKail in which she would not put up Danielle in the first week (so he could have some time with her, remember, he was immune), he would not go after her. He basically calls off their deal in front of everyone, calls her a liar, and mocks her. See this is why I like him, he calls out everyone in the house that annoys me. Then it is time for the live vote, which is weird, since I've never seen them do a live vote with this many people left in the house before. But first...

There is the obligatory Joe vs. Dustin drama segment, in which they need to have someone from their real lives talk about them, since Joe might be leaving, and Dustin's friend Nate comes on and basically says what we already know: Dustin is cool, Joe is a lying miscreant and should not be trusted for a second. He also has really, really, really big ears. Poor guy.

What have I left out? Oh yeah, there was some boring showmance coverage this week between Nick and Danielle. Yawn. Also, there were a couple of America's Player things which Eric failed to complete, even though he basically did what was asked of him, because the producers are too cheap to give him $4,000. America also wants him to vote out Joe. Maybe he will earn 'complete' his second task finally.

It is time for the vote. I actually think they do this segment in the worst possible way, because when the vote is a landslide it is sort of anticlimactic and then you have to wait to watch the other people's useless votes. Anyway, everyone but KKKail (Jen, as HOH, cannot vote) votes to evict Joe, even her supposed Mrs. Robinson alliance mates Zach, Nick, and Mike. Ouch KKKail, I wouldn't want to be you right now. I also wouldn't want to be you when you have to face people who saw you admit that you're a bigot on national television. Joe leaves, hugging everyone but Dustin, showing how petty he really is, especially considering that Dustin leaves him a pretty nice goodbye message.

In the HOH competition, it is your standard boring true and false questions, in which houseguests are eliminated until it is time for a tiebreaker between Danielle, Dick, and Mike. The question is, how many hours has Jen been wearing the unitard, answer: 125. Dick is closest without going over at 120, so he is the new head of household. I guess that means that KKKail, Jen, or Mike goes home this week. Hopefully it is KKKail, because if you haven't noticed I really don't like her at all. If not her then hopefully Mike, because he's just really boring. Jen I kinda hope stays around, just because she has high entertainment value.

Live Feed Clip of the Week (the first couple seconds only echo a bit):

Jen and Jess speak in some kind of secret language, what exactly are they saying?


Nea said...

I do not have a clue as to what Jen and Jessica are talking about. I could not even listen to the whole clip. Listening to them gave me the urge to hurt myself!!! I feel like Jessica, and the two guys whose names I cannot even remember (Mike, and the other guy?) are so boring. Big Brother could just take them off the show and I would not even miss them. Thanks for filling in for Carrie. It would have been sad to miss talking shit about the house guests this week!

page said...

I particularly liked your "Price is Right" comment. Ha! Very funny and true. I agree with you about the slop. Slop is boring. I preferred the PB&J bit. Seriously, what is wrong with Amber? She needs meds. Jen. You know? What can I say. She's perfect for this show. She's so out of control narcissistic it's just hilarious. The HOH room picture thing was crazy. Have I said this before on this blog, sorry if I have, what is wrong with Nick's hair? It makes his head look like a block. I'm not a big fan of his new facial hair either. I agree with Nea that the other two giant guys are essentially indistinguishable at this point. Thanks for filling in. We need our BB fix!

Justin said...

I can actually tell Mike and Zach apart now, but it took awhile.

I want Jen to stay as long as possible, as long as it doesn't result in someone vile winning. Like KKKail. Though I think she is most likely gone next.

Greg said...

I kind of hope Jen wins. She's brilliant (or something). After watching some of her conversations with people in the HOH room, she actually seems to have an insane understanding of everyone in the house.


Carrie said...

Great recap, Justin! And oh, how can you bear to watch the live feeds with, like, Jen, like, saying like all the time? that conversation with her and Jessica is insane. Do you think they actually understand what they are talking about? Crazy.

As for why Amber didn't steal the TV from Dick, I really think the houseguests are just that stupid and forgot you could steal prizes from people. But I'm sure if you asked Amber why she didn't do it she would have cried and said it was because she is such a good person and could never do something like that to someone else, just never! Amber tires me.

Sometimes I think the only thing that keeps me coming back to this show are the editors. I love how they have a sense of humor and blatantly make fun of the houseguests. Ding indeed!

Thanks for having my back this week. I must now go search the live feeds for, like, some more, like, funny, like, clips.