Wednesday, August 22, 2007

“The minute she takes her hand off that car I’m going to rip it off her arm and bitch slap her with it.”: Kyle XY

Just like a seasoned and cynical television viewing veteran, after the excitement of the last episode I was gearing myself up for a letdown of monstrous proportions this week. Thankfully, my negative attitude was unfounded, as Monday's "Hands on a Hybrid" was yet another fine episode in what's turning out to be a very good, if uneven, second season.

When we left Kyle last week, he had just opened Baylin's box (Dirty!) and discovered the photo of a young Baylin with a woman who looks exactly like Jessi. Kyle helpfully translates the Hungarian writing on the back of the photo for us Neanderthals at home, which says "the light will show you the way." I honestly don't understand why Baylin has to encode everything. For once, I wish he would just leave a note, in English, that says "JESSI IS YOUR SISTER, IDIOT" or something to that effect. Mysteries are tiring. Foss, being held at Madacorp after he was captured during the ring heist last week, calls Kyle and pretends he is fine and tells Kyle not to worry. Of course, he was forced to say this by Ballentine, but Kyle stupidly believes him.

Now that Kyle knows Jessi might be like him, he is determined to get to know her better, but first he must attend a very convenient charity function (for cancer, of course!) where the main event is a Hands on a Hard Body competition with a Prius as the big prize. How Seattle, to have an environmentally conscious prize. Of course, both Kyle and Jessi conveniently get chosen to participate. What better way to get to know someone than by being forced to touch a fine Japanese automobile with them for hours on end? Josh, who wants to win the car for Andy, isn't picked but bribes one of the other contestants to sell their spot to him. People quickly begin to drop out, but Kyle, Josh and Jessi hang strong.
Kyle, sensing his moment, sidles up next to Jessi and coaxes her into talking about her life. Jessi admits she doesn't feel "right" and tells him about her memories at the Zzyzx complex. He touches her arm to comfort her, and ends up somehow seeing her memories himself. Of course Lori sees this and immediately calls Amanda to come to cheer Kyle on and keep his mind off Jessi by enticing him with her virgin wares. I don't know if it works on Kyle, but when she shows up she entices me with her extremely cute dress, which I covet. Satisfied she has Kyle completely back in the virgin camp, Amanda goes off to hang with Lori.

Back at Madacorp, the captured Foss is being forced to be the test subject in their first trial of the big MRI-type sciencey machine Stephen was working on last week. Brian Taylor is at the test as well, so you know it's something nefarious and unpleasant. Apparently, this machine identifies where your memories are stored and can extract and read them. I'm sure George Bush would love to have that technology in Guantanamo. Stephen, who is there monitoring the machine but cannot see the test subject (and therefore cannot identify Foss), notices that the readings are off the charts and urges Ballentine to stop the test. He keeps going, as the evil usually do. Poor Krycek. Emily Hollander also feels some sympathy towards him, and I hope this means they are hinting at some sort of Emily/Foss relationship, because that would be awesome.

Elsewhere at the fundraiser, Hillary has decided she wants to be a reality TV star so she covers the event like a journalist in order to get noticed by a reality show. Um...Hillary? As a former reality television production company employee, I think you are going about this the wrong way. Here's how you get on a reality show:

Step One: Put on a slutty shirt.
Step Two: In the submission video or in your interview, giggle, act dumb, be overly gregarious, and tell juicy secrets about yourself (whether made up or true). Act like you want to fuck the camera and/or the casting producer.

That's all there is to it. So, back to Hillary. Lori suggests Hillary's first story: uncover why Jessi is such a freak. She does some decent digging and discovers a tape of the AlternaDance where Jessi has Lori's necklace. What's awesome is that the party is still fully going on when this video was taken, which means Lori was totally attacked and left for dead while everyone was still there. I thought it was way later when the place was deserted. Jessi is bold! Lori confronts Emily Hollander and her father (who have returned from torturing poor Foss) about what Jessi did, and when Stephen sides with Emily over Lori it's too much for her to take and she leaves.

Meanwhile, Andy has discovered Josh's little cheating scam to get into the contest and calls him out on it. In the midst of their argument, she blurts out her cancer secret in front of everyone, and storms off crying. The echoes of "Take your hand off the car, Josh, and go after her!" spread across the San Fernando Valley as I scream at my television set. Josh listens to me and quits the contest to talk to her, and I am appeased. Yelling at fictional characters does work!

Still holding on to that Prius for dear life, Jessi decides to let Kyle run his memory reading on her a little more. As Kyle reads her memories the lights start to flicker and the room starts to shake, as Jessi is wont to do. They must have a lot of electrical problems and earthquakes in Seattle, because I cannot imagine no one noticing how these things only happen when Jessi is around. Eventually, the power of her memories literally blows her and Kyle apart, and they are sent to the infirmary to get checked out. While in the infirmary, Kyle makes his final move: the belly button reveal. Once Jessi sees that, she knows everything about her life is a lie. Unfortunately for Kyle, Amanda walks right in at this point and sees them. He tells her to believe in him, but Amanda is not buying what Kyle's selling considering what a philandering jerk her last boyfriend was. I would feel sorry for Kyle, but I cannot begin to care. They are as boring as white bread with the crusts cut off.

As Josh sits and sweetly sulks, Andy approaches him and apologizes for her outburst by showing him her (amazing) new "Cancer Girl" t-shirt. She even got an "I'm with Cancer Girl" shirt for him. Josh kisses her on the cheek because he is in love, but Andy isn't having any of that and goes in for the real thing. I have to say, even though these kids are like 11 it's kind of hot, for an 11 year old kiss. This is understandable, because if you are a teenager with cancer you can't settle for a cheek kiss. If I was Andy, I'd be campaigning for some under the shirt action right away.

When Emily arrives home, she is stunned by the greeting of "Hi, Mommy!" from her daughter Paige. I have to say, that sent a chill down my spine. Jessi does some shady maneuvers with a chopping knife behind Paige's back, and why Emily doesn't officially just pack her shit and leave town at this point is beyond me, because that is creepy. This is all we see of their confrontation, however, and we find out at the end of the episode that Jessi has run away. What? Huh? I guess we'll find out next week!

Random thoughts:

- Sour Patch Kids sightings: 1. I bet you didn't know they were Kyle’s favorite! Buy some for your kids today, lest they think you’re a horrible parent!


page said...

Excellent, excellent re-cap. Very witty. I am so enjoying this season, I must say. I too was pleasantly surprised by Monday's ep. Very decent. Yelling at fictional characters is sooo rewarding, except, of course, if it's Amber...oh, wait...what? She's real and this is the wrong post for that comment? Sorry. I'm obsessed and filled with loathing. Back to the show. So what about the sweater, Amanda's sweater? It was way cute too. Total cute ensem, all the way around. I love Lori as the pot-stirrer. She's great at it and there's too much sweetie-sweet on the show. Kyle's voice-overs are starting to grate on me, other than the invaluable translation services they provide of course. I mean, is Matt what's his name like 50 or something? Seriously, a Barry White-esq basso profundo is going on there. Houston? Dallas, Matt Dallas. Okay, now I'm talking to myself on your blog. Time to go. See you for the amazing BB re-cap. Kill her for me Carrie, please kill her. I can't stand it. You live there, take one for the team. I'll...well, I'll come to your trial. I'll chip in for the lawyer. I'll knit you cute jail booties. Arrggg.

Carrie said...

Page, I am going to bring some sort of poison (iocane powder?) to the wrap party and slip it in someone's drink. I could be persuaded to make it Amber, as long as there are booties involved. And a cap, perhaps?