Happy New Year, everyone! I hope your festivities were filled with champagne, party dresses and regrets, in honor of this very show. Unfortunately, I rang in the new year by going to be early and watching Turistas on HBO on Demand. When someone as hot as Josh Duhamel can't make a movie watchable, you know you're in for a bad ride. And boy, was that movie bad. Just...no, Duhamel. No.
Now who's ready for some juicy Gossip Girl fun?
I'm not sure about the rest of you, dear readers, but I could not watch this episode without thinking of those erstwhile fictional and beautiful New Yorkers, Ben Covington and Felicity Porter. Like Ben and Felicity, the GG gang broke into the school pool facilities and staged an impromptu party. Also like Ben and Felicity, the GG gang was caught and faced some pretty harsh punishment -- reveal the ringleader with the key to the pool, or else everyone involved gets expelled. If only their punishment was seeing the awesome Dr. Toni Pavone instead! Man, I adored Dr. Pavone and her crazy chain smoking.
But enough about my love for Felicity. Thinking Blair was the owner of the key, Nate confesses to the crime and gets himself suspended when the new headmaster realizes he is lying to cover up for someone. Despite Chuck's manipulation by threatening to tell Nate about his affair with Blair (in an obvious and desperate attempt to keep Nate and Blair apart), Blair decides that Nate's selfless act is the push she needs and gets back together with Nate. I'm sure that won't come back to bite her in the ass at all! Chuck is usually so forgiving!
Also in dire straits because of the pool party is dear Dan, who doesn't have the means to buy his way out of an expulsion seeing as he is a scholarship student. Serena begs him to keep quiet, and after he protests she reveals that she was the one with the key. When pressed by the headmaster, he steadfastly affirms that he doesn't know who owns the key, but just then Serena shows up to take full responsibility for the crime. Seeing as she has quite the checkered past, she expects a harsh punishment but only gets a very small amount of community service. She is convinced she didn't get any special treatment, but Dan annoyingly thinks differently...and it turns out Dan annoyingly is right, because Bart Bass bought Serena's freedom for the low low price of a new wing at the school.
Why would Bart do this, you ask? Well, because Mr. Bass has just become engaged to Serena's mother, of course! After a completely flaccid attempt to create conflicted feelings for Lily where Rufus is concerned, she ultimately accepts Bart's ridiculous proposal, thus making Serena and Chuck eventual step-siblings. Unluckily for Serena, losing Blair to Nate again has brought back pilot Chuck, he of the disgusting come-ons and rapist sheen. Unluckily for me, I find his skeeviness completely entertaining, despite the disgusting and misogynistic undertones. Something is wrong with me.
This brings us to Vanessa. I've got to wonder, again, what they are doing with this character. Is she supposed to be likeable? Are we supposed to be rooting for her and Dan to get together? Or is she supposed to be a horrible person? Because if she's not, they are doing a TERRIBLE job of conveying that to the audience. Listen, if someone came to my house and taped me without my permission, then refused to hand over the tape and threatened to use it against me? I would beat their ass. Well, I can't fight so I would get someone else to do it for me, but still. She was such a smug little jerk most of the time this episode, and I could not stand it. I did like that she took Chuck's money and gave him a blank tape, but only (ONLY) because she gave Blair the real tape afterwards. The best part or the whole thing, of course, was Blair not wanting to be indebted to Vanessa and therefore paying her rent for a year in payment for the tape. Oh, Blair. You crafty girl, you.
What do you guys think about Vanessa? Am I interpreting the character incorrectly? And do you guys miss Felicity as much as I do? I think I'm going to go watch the pool episode right now, in fact...
Next week: Nate finds out about Blair and Chuck's limo sex. Awesome.